It is difficult to imagine how quickly the rate of time moves within the first year of motherhood. So many new experiences, new chapters, new challenges, new joy, new routines, new changes and a whole new depth of love.

This past year had been the best year of my life, but also the most difficult thus far and this is not something that can be easily put into words, but experienced first hand. With that said, the topic of breastfeeding/nursing is the first that comes to mind.

The Beginning of Breastfeeding:
No one really warns you about this, sure every one tells you how great it is for the baby, but the actual act of breastfeeding is an animal of its own, from my experience. My beginning looked a lot like this: excruciating pain for the first few weeks, cracking, bleeding and then about two months in, things get better (nipple butters are your best friends). As painful as it was in the beginning I knew it was something I wanted to give Esmae for as long as I was able. Going through six years of college studying nutrition and dietetics, you bet I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding.
My personal goal was to make it to about 12 months. I tried to do everything possible not to supplement and yes there were days that I was questioning if she was getting enough. But as a new mother I know this is a normal feeling to have.
Around the 6-7 month mark things began to change as the baby develops and it can get harder to nurse because everything is a distraction and feeds could last for hours sometimes. But I enjoyed every minute of nursing my baby, cradling her and bonding with her. Luckily we were able to go past a year, even though it was touch and go for a while (from 7- 9 months, mainly questioning and making sure she was getting enouch). It would be so easy to quit, when things were difficult and stressful, but I was too stubborn to give up just yet. I read everything I could find to keep my supply up. I learned that it really is a supply and demand system, so this means that the more the baby eats and sucks the more you will produce. It took me at least 7 months to get this concept, and on days when I felt like my supply would take a dip, I would try to stretch feedings to make a larger quantity for the next feeding. This is all wrong, the best thing to do is to just let the baby nurse more often through out the day and your body will know to make more because the baby takes it all away. After I started doing this, my supply just about doubled.

Here are things I did to help my supply:

• Fenugreek supplements – daily
• Earth Mama Angel Baby Milkmaid tea -2x a day
• Lots of water and herbal/fruit tea – daily
• Oatmeal lactation cookies (here is a good recipe) I always doubled the brewers yeast and flax meal

Now, around 9-10 months I began to see how Esmae began to nurse for comfort (they are master manipulators). Not only did she need to nurse for food, she began to demand feedings more often during the day and night. Night feedings were the most difficult because there were times she would wake 4-6 times just to nurse for a few seconds and go back to sleep. I knew this was comfort nursing and it became a bad habit from there. It was soothing for her and anytime she was upset she wanted to nurse; I became her human pacifier. But still, I wanted to continue and I was not ready to stop, and neither was she. We made it to a year, and my supply was great but things began to turn for the worse as she began to wake around 1 am and would sleep while nursing for 2-3 hours. I was so sleep deprived and I knew I needed to try to wean her off.

After one year, the first thing I tried to give her besides breastmilk is goat milk. That did not go over too well, and she was just not a fan. I gave goat milk a try first because I read that often it may be digested easier and it may be a good way to begin a transition. Clearly it did not work for us. But since she was already one, I decided to try with whole cows milk. She also was not a fan because she was upset with the bottle. For the past year she has been getting the breast and when I tried to give her a bottle she was not receiving of it. That was another issue. So I stopped trying. She did however love the sipply cup, but would only drink water from it. So here and there I would put warm milk in there just to get her used to the taste of milk.

Weaning:

Now going forward to 14 months, I was still nursing until one Saturday night I hit a breaking point. That night she nursed for practically the entire night while asleep, and when I tried to stop she would immediately wake (yup, human pacifier I tell you).
I woke up on Sunday morning exhausted and frustrated. As we were getting ready for Sunday morning church service I told my husband that I am done, and this is it for my breastfeeding journey. So I put on a high neck dress that zips in the back (so that she cannot pull my top down and reach for it – because we reached that point already) I packed a bottle with warm whole milk and off we went.
Our services are about 2 hours in length and it took her the entire time to fight me, but I did not give in. She kept trying to reach for it, showed signs of hunger, and was so tired as it is her nap time. But I waited it out and kept offering the bottle. Finally 2 hours in and she gave in, not only did she just take the bottle because she was hungry and tired, but she fell asleep while drinking from the bottle. This was something new for us, a win, and I knew that if she took it once, she will take it again. When we got home I offered only the bottle when she showed me hunger signs to get her used to it. She did not refuse it anymore. But at night she still wanted to nurse. So I changed things up, when she would wake instead of giving her the bottle or breast, I picked her up and rocked her back to sleep. Trust me this is much harder than it seems because you’re exhausted yourself and you pretty much walk around the house in the dark until your baby is asleep. I did this the first night every time she woke up. The following morning I gave her the bottle without issues. After this I never nursed again. The second night she didn’t even wake and I was in complete shock. It took her about 3 days in total and she stopped asking for the breast all together. I did have to pump a bit to relieve pressure until my milk would stop (about 1 week). Now she normally goes to bed around 8:30/9 and wakes at 8am with no feedings at night. Lets just say it feels good to be rested and feel human again.
In all honesty I was shocked that it was actually a pretty easy process and transition for us because of how attached she was. My husband and I always joked that she will nurse until she’s 18 all the time, haha! I think every baby is different and will adjust differently, but I think the most important concept is to stick to whatever you are doing when you are weaning off.

Things I learned and will do differently with the next baby:
​

• Introduce a bottle earlier, around 6-7 months and in addition to nursing, pump and give milk through a bottle for a few feedings a day
• Begin to wean the baby off a little earlier than 14 months because every month past 11 months got much more difficult to stop
• Instead of offering to nurse or bottle feed at night, rock the baby to sleep without feedings (if baby is at a healthy weight) and dismiss night time feedings before they become a regular thing.

I hope you found this post helpful, I’d love to hear feedback, or your experiences below.

​